Just between You and Me !
I DON’T DO CHANGE VERY WELL !
Now before you all give me advice on how wonderful change is and that change is the only constant in life, I know all of that !
But the fact of the matter is, I Don’t Like Change !
One of my home page “ Life’s Lessons ” is actually to do with change and goes like this “The only thing that never changes is the fact that we will always have change! ”. Sounds very enlightened and wise doesn’t it but I am sorry, for all the wisdom, for all the enlightenment I still do not handle change very well.
I am a creature of habit and I like my routines. I love stability and I love simplicity, I don’t like life’s little surprises.
I like to know that what is today will be tomorrow and the next day.
Now having said that, it doesn’t mean I don’t like to try new things or that my routine can’t be changed. In fact I love going new places and experiencing new things, I love meeting new people and I love stretching the boundaries of my world and existence. But ( now you had to expect that but ! ) all new things and changes to my routine and schedule have to be managed and organized as per my “ Changes Routine ” to ensure that there are no surprises, no sudden changes to plans or expectations, did I mention that I don’t like change.
I stress when things change ! I physically get ill and can not sleep or focus when I am stressed and nothing stresses me more than change ! Just in case I haven’t mentioned it, I don’t handle change very well !
Ok, now that we have that out in the open ( but please don’t tell anyone, it’s just a secret between you and I ) I need to tell you something about my life for the last three and a half years.
For the last three and a half years I feel like everything in my life has changed ( several times over ). Changes have invaded every aspect of my life from where I live ( Twice ) to Changes within my job ( Three Times ) & The breakdown of my marriage ( On / Off Twice ) just to name the big three, as well as having to deal with multiple other satellite changes all happening at the same time.
I have had enough of change and want my boring, stable, routine, predictable life back. Now as I said before ~ I don’t like change ! I like stability and a life that others would probably call boring !
But being this way is causing me to live constantly with stress, more stress then I can manage ( Did I mention that I had a heart attack at 39 ) and I am starting to accept that if I want to keep my sanity and to stay alive then I am going to have to “ CHANGE ”.
I am going to have to embody the very thing that I fight most in life and become one with the beast. I am going to have to learn how to roll with the punches better and to trust my universe a bit more. I am going to accept that everything the universe throws at me is for a reason and to trust that in the longer, bigger picture these changes are necessary and for the greater good !
Some how though, I don’t think this is going to be an easy thing to do .… How do we alter genetically programmed responses within our very being. I have never liked changes, I have always stressed when expected to change, Routine to me is good, Predictability is good, when the universe is organized and running smoothly I am a very contented and happy man !
I guess like all great journeys, they are started with that first step.
I found myself taking that first step recently after a timely reminder of a truth I already knew but had ignored due to my focus on the negative.
“ To Simply Exist & To Appreciate Your Existence ”, when you get tired on a long walk all you need to do is stop and rest, once rested you can continue your journey and enjoy it all the more. If you are reading a book that you just can’t focus on any longer put it down and rest, once rested the words will once again make sense to you.
In life, when all becomes too much and the changes are coming hard and fast, Stop – Focus on just existing and enjoy and appreciate that existence.
Thank you Yoon for your gentle nudge and timely message.
I am home alone tonight, I will put on one of my many old dusty meditation CD’s and enjoy my existence.