As quick as I seem to adapt and accept one shift within my life another sweeps in to ensure I do not get too comfortable within my personal and private zone.
Even my beliefs that I use as an anchor for my sanity seem to keep changing and being challenged in what seems to be a deliberate attempt to stretch my mind and beliefs and to ensure that my mind is not that of a narrow minded self-centred Narcissistic fool.
I went to church last Sunday for the first time in over 15 years ( for my sons christening ) and over 35 years since I attended Church for a Sunday service.
Why did I go after so many years you may well ask, and that would be a very justified and reasonable question as it is one I have been asking myself as well.
You see the reason I went is because I am restless, I feel as if something is missing in my life and yet I want for nothing and desire even less.
I feel shallow and directionless; I have passions but no motivation to chase them. I want companionship in my life but am also happy to be alone in my thoughts and travels.
I am not happy and yet I am not sad !
My nephew Mathew and his darling wife Lilly are THE two happiest people I have ever known in my life and always exude love and happiness when ever I see them as if they are walking on cloud nine all the time without a care in the world and I wanted to know the peace and love that these two amazing young people know.
About 3 months ago I told Mathew and Lilly how they inspired me with their inner peace, calm and contentment. I told them how I felt and openly admitted that at 44 years of age, these two amazing young adults who are only in their mid 20’s knew something I didn’t and I wanted to know what they thought was the secret to their happiness and if they would be willing to share it with me as all I truly want in life is to be happy, happy like them.
Once the initial shock of the whole conversation subdued, Lilly simply said that it was God and her Church that gave her and Mathew their love for life and with that came the inner peace of knowing God and knowing that he and the church were always there and that they never walked alone.
Please don’t think the conversation was as simple as that and many other aspects were discussed but the point of her message was that their Faith was their reason.
Well, I stated there and then that despite their young age I openly acknowledged that they certainly knew something that I did not and asked if I could please go with them to their next church service to try and find the answers that they seemed to have found for themselves.
Now as life all so often does, I was then swept away in my reactive life and it was nearly 3 months later that I got a private message on my Facebook account from Lilly asking me if I still wanted to join her and Mathew at their church and giving me the time, place and all the details to make sure I was there the following weekend. I replied to her, accepting her kind reminder and left it at that.
So 15 minutes early the next Sunday I pulled up in front of the church and eagerly waited for Mathew and Lilly to arrive.
About 5 minutes before the service was to begin they arrived much to my relief and much to their surprise and joy they realised that I had made it.
They introduced me to a few people and went out of their way to make me feel comfortable and to feel as if I was home, home with them in their house. Words can not express my love for them for that, and how much of an exemplary example of they both are of all that is good within the human race, of loving life and of faith just by being themselves.
Well, I went again today ( the following week ) and I was a big boy and went by myself today. I tried not to just stand there like a rabbit in the headlights and I very self consciously participated in the service.
Now, I’m not going to try and tell you that I have seen the light and found the way, but I have found another way, another path to the one I have been walking in circles on for the last 30 plus years and I am open to where it may take me without expectations of it taking me anywhere.
I do feel that there will be many inner questions yet to be answered as I have always been a very spiritual person but have never really been religious and the joining of the two will certainly be a challenge and an interesting path to take.
One of my all time favourite poems is by Shel Silverstein called “ Listen To the Mustn’t ”, well I guess its time that this Ol’ Uncle listened to his own advise … anything can happen Uncle, anything can be !
Listen to the Mustn’t
Listen to the Mustn’t, child,
Listen to the Don'ts
Listen to the Shouldn’t
The Impossible, the Won’ts
Listen to the Never Haves
Then Listen To Me
Anything can happen, child,
Anything can be.