Open House

I started to Blog because I wanted to share my Poetry with the world and also to try and express who I am and why I am who I am for my son to read.

Grub and I talk often and I try very hard to make sure all emotions and all topics are welcome to the table. I try and give him a voice in this world, especially on those days when he feels that the world doesn't want to hear him.

As an extension to that I always wanted to put down in writing something about who I am, what I think, what I feel and why I see the world the way I do. I have never particularly felt like I had a voice in the world and have always chosen to stand at the back in the shadows and watch the rest of the world play in the sun.

I attempted to write a biography of types for my son ( and as therapy lol ) but when you write with your heart and soul but do not share it, it all seems rather a waste of time. I was writing for my son to read when I was gone which was of NO value at all, I want us to know each other in life and to share that life.

So I decided on a Baptism of Fire and to Blog online for all to see, I decided to open my house to anyone who wishes to join me on a journey of soul searching and to challenge both the readers and myself to stop and see the world though each others eyes.

My son reads all my Blogs, after all they were primarily written for him but my Blog has changed since I started. I find myself wanting to connect with the people who read my blogs, I find that I am wanting to come more and more out of the shadow to meet all of you and to feed on all of your opinions and views. I also find myself wanting to be heard, I no longer want to be the silent one hiding in the shadows but find myself wanting to come out and stand shoulder to shoulder with the world as an equal.

Now I have only been writing my Blog for nearly two months but in that short time I felt that I was really starting to grow as a person and as a writer, my confidence was growing and the more I wrote the more I seemed to have in my head backing up and wanting to get out.

Until ....

Now before I go any further, my comments to follow are not about the comment I received to a Blog or about the person whom wrote it, it's about MY response and MY insecurities.

Truth to be told I though the comment was a very good comment and very thought provoking. I very much valued and appreciated the comment.

I won't go into the specific comment but it was a simple question to my approach to Blogging and when I read it I instantly felt like I had done something wrong and that I was out of my league writing these Blogs. I instantly felt like slamming everything into reverse and heading back into those shadows.

It was amazing just how strong my instinctive responses were.

I also felt compelled to reply to the comment to help clarify my comments, no so much to defend them but to clarify them. But the more I tried to respond the more I seemed to fall over my words. I seemed to have lost the ability to write or think.

I had to take a deep breath, walk away from the computer and to remind myself of all the good positive growth that had come out of the last two months. Remind myself of how voiceless I had felt in the past and how much I enjoyed feeling like I had a voice now.

I also had to remind myself that my Blogs were only MY view of the world and that I will always have people challenging my views as well as agreeing with them and that a good vigorous debate on any topic is a gift from above. After all if we don't exercise our thoughts and beliefs how would we ever grow as human beings.

And if you decide to have an open house you have to be willing to accept all who visit.

After a long hard think I went back to the computer and responded, it still took about 5 attempts but I didn't go running for the shadows and the more I thought about the comment the more I found I had to say. In fact I could have written a whole new Blog with just the reply.

So here I am Blog number 20, at the beginning of a road that will be long and winding, one that I hope will take me many places and show me many wonderful views, one that will take me to places all over the world so that I may at some stage visit and get to know all of you, a road that I'm sure will be full of potholes and obstacles that will only make me a stronger person at journeys end.

Thank you all for reading my Blogs and Commenting.

Dohi to you all