Change

Want to know a secret ?

Just between You and Me !

I DON’T DO CHANGE VERY WELL !

Now before you all give me advice on how wonderful change is and that change is the only constant in life, I know all of that !

But the fact of the matter is, I Don’t Like Change !

One of my home page “ Life’s Lessons ” is actually to do with change and goes like this “The only thing that never changes is the fact that we will always have change! ”. Sounds very enlightened and wise doesn’t it but I am sorry, for all the wisdom, for all the enlightenment I still do not handle change very well.

I am a creature of habit and I like my routines. I love stability and I love simplicity, I don’t like life’s little surprises.

I like to know that what is today will be tomorrow and the next day.

Now having said that, it doesn’t mean I don’t like to try new things or that my routine can’t be changed. In fact I love going new places and experiencing new things, I love meeting new people and I love stretching the boundaries of my world and existence. But ( now you had to expect that but ! ) all new things and changes to my routine and schedule have to be managed and organized as per my “ Changes Routine ” to ensure that there are no surprises, no sudden changes to plans or expectations, did I mention that I don’t like change.

I stress when things change ! I physically get ill and can not sleep or focus when I am stressed and nothing stresses me more than change ! Just in case I haven’t mentioned it, I don’t handle change very well !

Ok, now that we have that out in the open ( but please don’t tell anyone, it’s just a secret between you and I ) I need to tell you something about my life for the last three and a half years.

For the last three and a half years I feel like everything in my life has changed ( several times over ). Changes have invaded every aspect of my life from where I live ( Twice ) to Changes within my job ( Three Times ) & The breakdown of my marriage ( On / Off Twice ) just to name the big three, as well as having to deal with multiple other satellite changes all happening at the same time.

I have had enough of change and want my boring, stable, routine, predictable life back. Now as I said before ~ I don’t like change ! I like stability and a life that others would probably call boring !

But being this way is causing me to live constantly with stress, more stress then I can manage ( Did I mention that I had a heart attack at 39 ) and I am starting to accept that if I want to keep my sanity and to stay alive then I am going to have to “ CHANGE ”.

I am going to have to embody the very thing that I fight most in life and become one with the beast. I am going to have to learn how to roll with the punches better and to trust my universe a bit more. I am going to accept that everything the universe throws at me is for a reason and to trust that in the longer, bigger picture these changes are necessary and for the greater good !

Some how though, I don’t think this is going to be an easy thing to do .… How do we alter genetically programmed responses within our very being. I have never liked changes, I have always stressed when expected to change, Routine to me is good, Predictability is good, when the universe is organized and running smoothly I am a very contented and happy man !

I guess like all great journeys, they are started with that first step.
I found myself taking that first step recently after a timely reminder of a truth I already knew but had ignored due to my focus on the negative.

“ To Simply Exist & To Appreciate Your Existence ”, when you get tired on a long walk all you need to do is stop and rest, once rested you can continue your journey and enjoy it all the more. If you are reading a book that you just can’t focus on any longer put it down and rest, once rested the words will once again make sense to you.

In life, when all becomes too much and the changes are coming hard and fast, Stop – Focus on just existing and enjoy and appreciate that existence.

Thank you Yoon for your gentle nudge and timely message.

I am home alone tonight, I will put on one of my many old dusty meditation CD’s and enjoy my existence.

I will be as a Tree and just exist, letting my existance shine.

.

Open House

I started to Blog because I wanted to share my Poetry with the world and also to try and express who I am and why I am who I am for my son to read.

Grub and I talk often and I try very hard to make sure all emotions and all topics are welcome to the table. I try and give him a voice in this world, especially on those days when he feels that the world doesn't want to hear him.

As an extension to that I always wanted to put down in writing something about who I am, what I think, what I feel and why I see the world the way I do. I have never particularly felt like I had a voice in the world and have always chosen to stand at the back in the shadows and watch the rest of the world play in the sun.

I attempted to write a biography of types for my son ( and as therapy lol ) but when you write with your heart and soul but do not share it, it all seems rather a waste of time. I was writing for my son to read when I was gone which was of NO value at all, I want us to know each other in life and to share that life.

So I decided on a Baptism of Fire and to Blog online for all to see, I decided to open my house to anyone who wishes to join me on a journey of soul searching and to challenge both the readers and myself to stop and see the world though each others eyes.

My son reads all my Blogs, after all they were primarily written for him but my Blog has changed since I started. I find myself wanting to connect with the people who read my blogs, I find that I am wanting to come more and more out of the shadow to meet all of you and to feed on all of your opinions and views. I also find myself wanting to be heard, I no longer want to be the silent one hiding in the shadows but find myself wanting to come out and stand shoulder to shoulder with the world as an equal.

Now I have only been writing my Blog for nearly two months but in that short time I felt that I was really starting to grow as a person and as a writer, my confidence was growing and the more I wrote the more I seemed to have in my head backing up and wanting to get out.

Until ....

Now before I go any further, my comments to follow are not about the comment I received to a Blog or about the person whom wrote it, it's about MY response and MY insecurities.

Truth to be told I though the comment was a very good comment and very thought provoking. I very much valued and appreciated the comment.

I won't go into the specific comment but it was a simple question to my approach to Blogging and when I read it I instantly felt like I had done something wrong and that I was out of my league writing these Blogs. I instantly felt like slamming everything into reverse and heading back into those shadows.

It was amazing just how strong my instinctive responses were.

I also felt compelled to reply to the comment to help clarify my comments, no so much to defend them but to clarify them. But the more I tried to respond the more I seemed to fall over my words. I seemed to have lost the ability to write or think.

I had to take a deep breath, walk away from the computer and to remind myself of all the good positive growth that had come out of the last two months. Remind myself of how voiceless I had felt in the past and how much I enjoyed feeling like I had a voice now.

I also had to remind myself that my Blogs were only MY view of the world and that I will always have people challenging my views as well as agreeing with them and that a good vigorous debate on any topic is a gift from above. After all if we don't exercise our thoughts and beliefs how would we ever grow as human beings.

And if you decide to have an open house you have to be willing to accept all who visit.

After a long hard think I went back to the computer and responded, it still took about 5 attempts but I didn't go running for the shadows and the more I thought about the comment the more I found I had to say. In fact I could have written a whole new Blog with just the reply.

So here I am Blog number 20, at the beginning of a road that will be long and winding, one that I hope will take me many places and show me many wonderful views, one that will take me to places all over the world so that I may at some stage visit and get to know all of you, a road that I'm sure will be full of potholes and obstacles that will only make me a stronger person at journeys end.

Thank you all for reading my Blogs and Commenting.

Dohi to you all

Sticks & Stones

“ Sticks and Stones may break my bones,

but Names will never hurt me ”

Remember singing that as a child ?

Do you also remember being told

“ If you just ignore a bully they

will simply go away ”

Unfortunately neither were true words of wisdom, in fact in the real world exactly the opposite would actually happen. Sticks and Stones in most cases may cause cuts and bruises that you can see heal with care and time while with words the wounds can not always be readily seen but can cut so deep that they never truly heal and if they do scar up then normally they permanently effect they way the persons spirit develops.

I was a victim of continual bullying while growing up, not so much the physical type but the verbal and behavioral types. I was always a overweight child and have always been a very emotional type of person. I am one of those people who just can’t hide their emotions and I wear them on my sleeve for all to see. This unfortunately while seen as a fairly admirable characteristic for a S.N.A.G “ Sensitive New Age Guy ” in adulthood it was just a big red target for other kids while growing up.

What better past time for a board kid then to take a poke at me when they were guaranteed a response every time, I never let them down !

I never felt like I belonged anywhere or as a part of any group, I was always the one on the outside looking in and wondering what it would be like to be one of them !

I was always the biggest kid in both height and weight and with time as I grew up I managed to build a exterior image of the Big Silent Guy which ( thankfully due to a couple of fights I managed to win ) no one quite knew how to take so by the time I hit mid high school I was left alone, completely. I may now have been completely alone but at least I wasn’t the butt of everyone else’s boredom and taunts.

Have you ever stopped to contemplate just how powerful your words are?

Those early years have profoundly effected how I deal with life to this day, even though I understand the pettiness of what was said all those years ago. My attempts to change my reaction to them as an adult is futile as my flight or fight responses are so ingrained that they are fundamentally a part of who I am for the rest of my days.

These days I talk very long and very hard with my son about what people say to him and how he deals with others words. I constantly tell him that words can only hurt if you give them the power too but you know what, that’s not true, once the words have been thrown at you they stick to you and corrode away at your spirit. As I write this I realize that they are just more of those fable words that we are taught as kids because adults don’t have the right answers for us.

My son “ Grub ” is very much like me in build and personality. He sees the world though very innocent eyes at times which is a characteristic I have openly encouraged as he grew up, after all we are adults long enough, all children should be able to enjoy the innocence of childhood as long as they can.

Because Grub is so sensitive, the littlest word can hurt him and parenting a sensitive child can be a tight balance at times preparing him for his teenage years and the real world verses trying to keep some of that gentle innocence within him so that he may grow into a strong compassionate young man.

I caught myself using the wrong words in frustration this morning when talking to Grub. In a frustrated moment while discussing Grub’s wish to drop one of his extra curricular activities I told him he was lazy for not wanting to put in the effort.

Now “ Lazy ” is such a small word, it is such a common word, it’s not considers a nasty word or a rude word and yet its effect on Grub was profound. He got extremely sad and upset, quite some time later he sent me a simple text with the simple message “ I’m not lazy, I’m just not interested in it anymore ”. The word had stuck to him and was eroding his spirit.

Now I know better, I know how words can hurt and I will apologies profusely this afternoon when I see him next but the damage is done and words can not be unsaid. I love my boy beyond words and I am forever protective of him from the outside world which makes my laps in judgment all the worse.

Each year you read about the new words they add to the dictionary, wouldn’t it be a giant leap for mankind if we could also remove words from the dictionary. Just think of it, our children would never have to hear words like Hate, Fat, Ugly, Dumb, Stupid, Unattractive & Lazy just to name a few.

Wouldn’t that be an amazing world !

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sharp Words

Please don’t whip me with you’re sharp words,
They cut so deep and burn.

They etch scars upon my heart,
And cause my innocence to turn.

Please don’t tell me your cruel untruths,
My soul screams for you to stop.

Please don’t push me down again,
Just to make you feel on top.

All smothered in hate and lies,
I can not breath.

I am like you,
I breath, I bleed.

I am not what you say I am,
But I’m starting to believe.

Please don’t whip me with your sharp words,
They cut so deep and burn.

They etch a scar upon my heart,
And my innocence can never return.

Andrew Swansson
© April 2010

Reflections

The Mirror Man


Who are you ?
Are you the one !
The one to change it all !
Are you the one that will dare to believe ?
That will dare to change !

Are you strong enough to stay the course,
When all will be at your back !
Can you see the dream ?
Can you hear his words ?
Can you taste the victory ?
Or do you smell the fear ?

Will you stare him down,
And stand your ground !
Will you put him in his place ?
Will you lead by example and do what’s right.
When all will tell you to do wrong !

Do you believe ?
In love at first sight.
Do you believe in fight or flight ?
Do you believe in cold winter days and hot summer night ?

Are you stronger then him,
The one that doesn’t believe !
The one that is scared !

Do you know who I am ?


Andrew Swansson
© 01/07/08

Play

I had an amazing experience today while grabbing a few things from the supermarket on the way home from work today.

As I was walking through the shop feeling tired and overworked while focusing on how little money I had and worrying about trying to pick out healthy food for Grub and I to eat, I was distracted by a loud laugh and the stomping of feet, looking up from the eggs I saw a couple in there mid 30's.

She was getting a piggyback from her partner who for all his effort was being slapped on the upper arm by his Jockey who obviously wanted her steed to go faster.

I stood there just staring at them blank, not knowing really what to think about it all.

As they both spun around on the spot we made eye contact and they briefly stoped their canter through the bread isle.

With that they both broke into the biggest innocent smiles from ear to ear and just smiled at me. I couldn't help but return the favour and gave them both a genuine heart felt smile from ear to ear.

Suddenly as quick as they galloped into my day, they galloped away only as they galloped away they took my bad day and worries with them.

I finished my limited shopping but suddenly I felt invigorated and couldn't stop smiling.

At the register the cashier was having difficulty with her equipment which wasn't working correctly, she looked tired and frustrated so I smiled from my heart and watched her smile in return ....

Love Thy Self

“If you aren't good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you'll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren't even giving to yourself.”

Barbara De Angelis

I have loved someone very close and dear to me for near on half my life. This person is an incredibly intelligent person who also has a pure heart and is one of the most thoughtful people I have ever know. This dear friend is also an incredible musician with natural God given talent and has a photographic memory that can recall details 15 years old as if they happened yesterday. They have completed a Bachelor of Business externally while working 60 plus hours a week and helping to run the family house and raise their child and in her spare time she both trained in Martial Arts and instructed.

Sounds like an incredible person ? I certainly feel and think so !

Not that what I think matters because having said all of that, my friend hates herself ! Why, no one really knows. Yes she had a terrible childhood but her level of self loathing is incredibly profound.

Her despair and self loathing combined with her non existent self value has driven her to self harm over the last 3 years and attempt suicide twice in the last 12 months.

We all love her, we all want to help her and share this beautiful world with her but she is so convinced that she is worthless and irrelevant that any attempts to help her or share love with her is simply rebuffed and stone walled.

How do you convince someone that they are beautiful and a treasure to the world when every cell in their body screams at them otherwise and tells them that the world lies and that they are a bad person and that they don’t deserve to be happy or healthy.

When someone believes with their very existence a belief, even if it is totally baseless and unsupported by facts .. It is true to them !

Night may as well be Day and Black be White.

I am only 42 years old and to date I have personally known 4 people who have committed suicide. All four differed in many ways, age 19 – 50, Social Status ( Only child to comfortable family – Hard working grandfather ), Religion ( Atheist – Devout Christian ), Education ( Uni – Left at 16 ), Nationality ( Dutch, Australian, Scottish ) the only thing to date that any of them have in common is that they were all males. Depression and Mental health Issues know no boundaries.

Mental health issues are incredibly devastating conditions to deal with as it is not only debilitating to the sufferer but also places incredible pressure on the loved ones and carers of the sufferer.

Because of the profound beliefs that the sufferer holds as truths, there is no rationalising discussions with the sufferer for treatment plans or goals because the person doesn’t want the help due to their belief that they are not worthy of the effort or that they deserve to feel better.

The health care system even with its major advances in both medication and psychiatric practices, still offer very little relief from mental health conditions and due to the fact that each and every patient is different the process of trial and error in the treatment can mean years of hit and miss before limited if any relief can be found for the sufferer.

Mean while the sufferers loved ones and primary care providers are left powerless to protect their loved one and in most cases can do nothing but watch ( with guilt of inadequacy ) the sufferer self harm and hope that they will always be near enough to get help when required.

Mental Health issues reach every corner of society, it is non-prejudicial and non-discrimatory. It destroys both the sufferer and those who care and are associated with the sufferer, it destroys both male and female, young and old, rich and poor, black or white.

For the carer there is a profound sense of isolation and hopelessness. I believe on most occasions primary carers do not speak out about what they are enduring. This I believe is for two reason, the first being that they do not want the person they care for to be judged in any way by others who do not and can not understand the full picture and also because on most occasions if a carer does talk to someone they normally get the response of “ I don’t understand why they do it ” on more then one occasion I have pointed out to people that even the sufferer doesn’t understand and but for the grace of God I hope you never understand because to do so would put you in the same place as the sufferer, and that is something I would not wish on my worst enemy.

So if you know a sufferer or a carer, don’t run away ( it’s not contagious ) talk to them, support them but most of all Don’t Judge Them.

~~~~~~~~~~~
You may as well try to hold back the king tide or to shift the seasons as easily try to love someone who hates themselves.

Andrew Swansson
~~~~~~~~~~~

I Am

I Am


I think,
I feel,
I hope,
I pray.

I cry,
I smile,
I worry,
I hope.

I smell,
I taste,
I touch,
I see.

I breath,
I live,
I am,
Are you ?


Andrew Swansson
© 2010

F.E.A.R

F.E.A.R = Fantasized Events Appearing Real

Ever dreamed of a better world ? One thats a bit kinder to you and is full of opportunities and rewards ! Ever looked at those “ Go Getters ” out there who just seem to decide they want something or to do something and then like magic it just seems to happen for them, don’t people like that just annoy the daylights out of you ! If only life was that simple for the rest of us !

I had a brother in-law who is like one of those “ Charmed Ones ”, it doesn’t matter what he wanted in life it seems to just fall into his lap. His very early 30s Career Military since he left school at 18, has 5 houses, has traveled the world both with the Military and on his own endeavors, has great cars, bikes, is a full contact cage fighter etc … I could go on forever…

Now I have to be honest, when I first started to go out with my ex-wife I didn’t get along with the brother in-law to well, I considered him a bit of a spoilt brat that just got what ever he wanted and was fairly arrogant. But over the years of watching him I slowly noticed a few key personality traits that he kept pretty low key. In fact as time would teach me he wasn’t arrogant but actually the complete opposite, he was and still is a very modest man. The more I got to know him the more I realized he never talked about what he had or what he had done, he certainly never bragged about what he was going to get or what he was “ Gunna Do ”. He just did it or the new object would just appear.

So if he wasn't " Lucky " or spoilt, why then did life seem to reward him more than me ? This question really started to strike home with me and as I watched him closer and closer I finally realized why he had his achievements and possessions and the rest of us didn’t.

He didn’t let fear stop him and he didn’t fear failure !

He didn’t sit there wasting time and energy worrying about or convincing himself of failure. He simply dreamed, worked out the price that had to be paid ( in dollars and or effort ) and then went about paying the price if he still felt it was worth the cost.

Now as it would turn out his life wasn’t so charmed, and he certainly has had set backs but he never has failures. If he has a setback then it is nothing more or nothing less than a learning experience that he makes sure he never repeats. He dosn't dwell in the set back giving it more fuel or power then it deserves he just gets back into things and has another crack at his current objective or moves on to the next, once again depending on an assessment of the cost involved.

Unlike a large majority of the human race he doesn’t waste time and energy fantasizing about events that “ Might ” happen and making them real. He puts his energy into working out the most efficient way to do something or get something and then puts 100% of his energy into making it happen.

I personally have many changes happening in my life at the moment and to be honest most scare the living daylights out of me and the rest just confuse me to the point where I just shut down and stop thinking about it.

These days I have many health changes that I must make and many life choices that I want to make both for myself and as an example for my son. Especially on the health changes, I can no longer afford the wasted effort on Fear and Procrastination.

The place is here and the time is now !

I always knew this about fear but never really noticed how much I allow it to hold me back. I have bungee jumped twice from over 160 feet with the realization that the only thing that stops any of us achieving our full potential is the fear of the unknown and failure. I always figured if I could stand at the edge of a 160 foot drop with my toes over the edge and conquer my fear of heights ( I hate being on a ladder ) then I can truly achieve anything in life. Funny how we forget our own lessons at times.

My son Grub and I talk about F.E.A.R on many occasions and to encourage him on his journey I have just booked him in for a tamdem skydive to celebrate his 13th birthday at the end of May. Grub commented a few years ago as we watched a friend parachute onto the beach that he wanted to do a parachute jump. Well he turns 13 in about 6 weeks and will now get to jump on his birthday. I fully support him in this and can not think of any better way to come of age as a Teenager than to make your stand and to conquer F.E.A.R. sort of puts everything else he will face as a teenager into perspective doesn’t it.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.

Dohi

Black Dog

Black Dog

I really do believe you can,
Yes, I really am quite sure.
All you have to do is, believe,
Just as I’ve believe in you before.
I’ve seen you do amazing things,
And I’ve seen you beat the best.
Now it’s time to dig down deep,
And do your bloody best.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The fight ahead will be long and hard,
The battlefield will be in your head.
Your weapons are your heart and soul,
Your army is us, your friends.
To the victor will go all hope,
The conquered will cease to exist.
The time has come to face your foe,
And send it back, into its abyss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I really do believe you can,
Yes, I really am quite sure.
All you have to do is, believe,
Just as we’ve done before.
The place is here and the time is now,
As tomorrow never comes.
I really do believe you can,
Yes, I really am quite sure.


Andrew Swansson
© 2010

Sacrifice

Before you read on I would like you to consider what you would consider to be the greatest sacrifice that you have had to make in your life to date ? Write it down !

Now, what would be a significant sacrifice you had to make within the last year ? Write that one down too !

Now finally, write down " Your " definition of sacrifice !

All of us would have a similar definition of what a sacrifice is but I would hazard to bet that all of us would differ on what we have had to sacrifice and our personal measurements of what we would consider a sacrifice.

What would you be willing to sacrifice ?

As you can probably guess by the picture, I have just finished watching Mao's Last Dancer and a half a box of Kleenex later I am reminded of just how privileged my life has been. I have had no war forced upon me or my family, I have had freedom of speech and taken it for granted, I have had freedom of religion, freedom of association, political freedom, I have enjoyed free education and free health just to name a few.

And yet generally, as a society we still feel like we make daily sacrifices ! We feel like we are constantly deprived or denied because of our hunger for possessions and status !

But I have to say people ... What Sacrifice ?

In the movie Mao's Last Dancer it looks at the life of Li Cunxin, removed from his home as a small child by the communist state and transformed into a Ballet show piece for the Republic Of China. When he gets the opportunity to travel to America to study he falls in love and sees for himself that the west offers opportunities not available in China and decides to stay.

In making this decision he sacrifices the opportunity to ever return home to his family or country of birth. One can only imagine being in the position of having to make that decision and sacrifice.

Over the years I have hosted foreign exchange students from Japan and Vietnam. At the end of this year I will have the honour of hosting my first Chinese student for a 10 week stay.

The cultural exchange that Dylan and I get from the exchange students is priceless and it is always very sobering when you compare the life styles of these Asian countries with that of our own here in Australia. We are indeed a very lucky country, how unfortunate it is that more times than not we ignore or forget this fact.

Even the simple aspects of the daily lives of these students makes my life's sacrifices pale into insignificance.

One student by the name of Hien from Vietnam is the eldest son of his family and his father was the oldest son of his family. As such the eldest son is the matriarch of the extended family and is responsible for the health and well being of the full extended family .. for life !

I remember one day I was asking Hien what he wanted to do once he left school, he told me that he wanted to be a Structural Engineer. Quite casually I told him that I thought that was an excellent choice and then asked him if his goal was to then go back to Vietnam and rebuild his country.

Hien looked at me as if I was the thickest person on the earth and clearly stated that he could NEVER go home !

What I asked, why ?

Hien then explained that too many people has sacrificed their money and resources to bring him out from Vietnam to have the opportunity of an education and better life. He could never earn enough back in Vietnam to repay this debt so would have to stay abroad his whole life to fulfill this sacrifice of others and to also sacrifice further himself to allow other Vietnamese students to have the same opportunity as he did.

Now Hien was a young man of 17 having to make and accept a life sacrifice of never being able to return home to live, all in the name of a better western life.

This is only one of dozens of sacrifices these kids are making, every Japanese student I have hosted describes a average day back home as getting up at 6am, on a train by 6:30am, at school by 7:30am finish school at 4pm but remain at school for sports or extra curricular activities until 8pm, back on a train to get home around 9pm, shower feed homework and in bed by midnight.

And the thing is neither Hien or any of the Japanese students EVER considered that they were making a sacrifice !

I always walk away from these students feeling very humble and ashamed of my self pity !

I could write about these students for the next month and still not explain just how much Dylan and I get out of there visits. If you ever get the opportunity I strongly recommend you do it ! Nothing like having to scrutinise yourself under a microscope for honesty.

Now go have a read of your notes you made at the beginning of this Blog and quietly reflect on whether you still feel they are as big as you though when you wrote them down !

Dohi & thank you for reading my Blog !

Who Do You Know ?

A large part of the reason I started this Blog was to start a journey of types for my son. To put down my thoughts and beliefs, dreams and goals as a sort of time capsule for him to look back at in years to come. Hopefully to help him understand at least half of who he is.

I personally believe that to know who you are, you need to know where you came from !

Now when I talk about where you came from I'm not talking about where you were born or where you grew up. I am talking about that very second that you came into existence, I mean the shared DNA from which your miracle started.

It's about knowing who your parents are, as real flesh and blood, warts and all people and not the foggy memory or perception you have of them.

When was the last time you sat down and honestly talked to your parents like you talk to your friends ? Have you ever asked your parents about their lives ? Where did they come from ? What are their thoughts ? What were and are their dreams ? Disappointments ? Proudest Moments ? Saddest Moments ? The list could go on till the day they die " If You Are Smart ".

My eldest sister Wendy often writes about our Mum & Dad in her Blog and I also have made reference at times to my father Norman in this Blog but to be honest, I don't spend enough time with them these days. I stoped asking questions years ago and got distracted in my own world.

The funny thing is that I have spent years trying to understand who I am and why I think and feel the way I do when all I had to do was watch my parents and ask them. I am so much like my father in many ways, especially on the emotional side of things and I see more of myself and my father in my son as each year goes by.

And as each year goes by I see more and more wisdom in the words my parents have offered as advise over the years, shame it so many years to understand their wisdom, life could have been so much simpler.

So much of who we are we owe to the dynamic influence of our parents. Without even knowing we are taking in lessons from them everyday of our young lives, until we grow up and move out of the nest and spread our wings, at which time while our parents are still a strong influence we find ourselves under the influence of other dynamics other than our families.

How many of us have sat back at some stage and quietly told ourselves that we sound like our Mother or Father with actions or sayings that we have just done. How many of us have swore that " I hated how my parents did that, I will NEVER do that to my kids " only to catch yourself repeating the exact same action.

How many of us have found ourselves reflecting on good advice that we now wished we HAD listened to ?

As I said at the beginning, I believe to understand ourselves we need to first acknowledge that we are the sum of our two parents and all that they are, get to know your parents, as friends and as real people with flaws, dreams, fears and ambitions.

By understanding them and then reflecting honestly at yourself, I believe that many questions that once defied your logic will suddenly appear a lot clearer to understand. In fact many I believe will no longer be an issue with you because you will understand their reason.

One of our greatest weaknesses as humans is to instinctively fear that which we do not understand ..... This includes ourselves !

Get to know your parents, Get to know yourself, Shut down the F.E.A.R " Fantasised Events Appearing Real " and then start chasing your dreams.

WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my
first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately
wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a
stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind
to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make my
favorite cake for me, and I learned that the little
things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a
prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always
talk to, and I learned to trust in Him.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make a
meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I
learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care
of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have
to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how you
handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't
feel good, and I learned that I would have to be
responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come
from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things
hurt, but it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you
cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of
life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and
productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you and
wanted to say,'Thanks for all the things I saw when
you thought I wasn't looking.'

Unknown Author

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