Expectations - A comment From The Soap Box

How much should we expect from our kids ?

Is it unrealistic to try and encourage and motivate your kids to put in 100% effort, 100% of the time ?

I’ve had a few “ Disagreements ” with my son of late about his focus and motivation towards what I see as golden opportunities that he has in his life and his constant “ Just Enough ” effort that he puts forward as his “ Best Effort ”.

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I know that generalisation is a dangerous thing but it would appear to me that most of the “ Now Generation ” ( below 25 years ) consider that any effort is a good effort and that as a society we are pandering to a generation of delicate personalities which we are not allowed to tell that they are wrong, failed, lazy or simply that they are dragging the chain.

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We now have education systems that are not allowed to mark incorrect answers with a Red Cross because it might upset the kids and damage their self-esteem. We have universities that simply mark as competent or not competent so that we don’t discriminate. But in do so we manage to the lowest common denominator and take away any motivation for our youth to strive for that 99% on the exam, to push themselves to achieve their best. Why would anyone strive to achieve 99% when the person who gets 51% is acknowledged exactly the same, with a “ Competent ” grade.

We even have unfair dismissal laws in industrial relations that require us to give big warm hugs to non performing employees, to ask if they have home issues that you can help with and then you are still required to give them 3 written warnings before you can dismiss them. Crazy, keep your home issues at home, focus on work at work and give 100% effort 100% of the time.
What ever happened to someone’s “ Best Effort ”, when did it become acceptable to acknowledge mediocrity as your Best Effort.

Good, Better, Best
Never Let It Rest
Until Your Good Is Better
And Your Betters Best.

I don’t think we as parents are doing our children any favours by allowing them to believe that average is acceptable, that as long as you cross the line that you have won.

If we don’t push ourselves and our children to reach for the stars, to dare to try and try again till you fail then how will we know just how far we could have gone and just how much we could have achieved.

We need to teach our children that failure is not loosing !

That they need to reach for the stars and not fear the fall.

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Thank you for reading my blog and please leave your opinion, comment or simply a greeting.

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Cheers

Fatherhood

I've been watching my boy grow up in leaps and bounds latley and I have to be honest, at times I wish the whole process could slow down a bit. Dylan ( Alias " Grub " ) turnes 13 this year and at a time when a lot of parents start to cringe at the thought of those teenage years I honestly find myself excited at watching this young man continue to grow in confidence and take on the world.

I do not fear him getting caught up with the wrong crowd or rebelling against the world. I don't fear him being disrespectful to myself or any other person he deals with. I don't fear him feeling like he has to " Find Himself " and experiment with drugs or alcohol.

Now I can hear you all laughing and saying that you thought that too or good luck with that or warning me not to talk too soon, but I know my boy is ready to take on the world be it good, bad or indifferent and you know why. Because he has been shown respect and shown how to respect.

From the moment I could communicate with Grub I have explained that all you need in life is R.E.S.P.E.C.T respect for yourself, respect for all living creatures on this earth and respect for all property.

I also have constantly discussed with him that every action in your life is a " Personal Choice " and every action has a appropriate reaction. Therefore if you choose the reaction that you desire it's very easy to then choose the desired action required.

But most of all ( while not always successful ) I have tried to live a life of example.

At the end of the day irrespective of what else I achieve or not in life, I can feel rightly proud of my influence in Grub's life. I choose the reaction I desired and went about putting in place the appropriate action to get that reaction.

Now I have to be honest, I had a great teacher and all I had to do was to replicate his actions. I never had to think about what I had to do because he had so patiently shown me over many many years all the secret tricks to the trade. And the funny thing is he didn't even know he was showing me most of the time. Of course I am talking about my father " Norman Swansson ", a man who never complained, never walked away from the job, who never gave up.

And most of all he believed. When you have someone who believes it's very easy to dream goals that you would have otherwise believed to lofty or challenging.

I am very much reminded of an amazing poem I read on another Blog site ( Lessons from the monk I married ) just the other day which I'd like to share.

Listen to the Mustn'ts

Listen to the Mustn'ts, child,

Listen to the Don'ts

Listen to the Shouldn'ts

The Impossibiles, the Won'ts

Listen to the Never Haves

Then Listen To Me

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Anything can happen, child,

Anything can be.

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Shel Silverstein

Just as, if we don't believe in ourselves we will always struggle for success. If we don't believe in our children how will they ever learn to succeed and dream.

Anything can happen, child.

Anything can be !